Let's Talk Size, Guys

A recent study found that most guys worry about their penis size more often than UF students stress about when their Cookiegazm order will arrive – even during finals week.

That may seem outlandish, but it should come as no shock – not only do we offer the fastest cookie delivery service in all of Gainesville, but the frequent appearance of anaconda-like limbs in adult videos (which 93% of guys have viewed before the age of 18), and the common misconception that guys must have huge packages has led to nearly 50 percent of men reporting insecure feelings about their size, according to Psychology Today.

“Even a 747 looks small when its flying through the Grand Canyon.”
-Tom Arnold, after ex-wife Roseanne Barr said he had a small penis on national television

Here are the facts: the average penis measures 3.61 inches long when flaccid, 5.16 inches long and 4.69 inches in circumference when erect, according to a study published in the British Journal of Urology International – shorter than a Bic ballpoint pen (5 ¾ inches long).

But it turns out that you don’t even need a Bic to please most women. In fact, a survey conducted by researchers at UCLA completed by over 26,000 women ages 18 to 65 found that 84 percent of women were “very satisfied” with their partner’s size, with only 14 percent wishing they were larger and 2 percent wishing their partners were smaller.

Those two percent that wish for smaller, however, REALLY wish for smaller. Check out this article to read why bigger isn’t always better.

Moral of the story: you don’t need to have a snake between your legs to please a girl – most girls don’t even like snakes, whether they’re in your pants or in terrariums. Insecurity has been linked to problems such as erectile dysfunction and severely hinders one’s sexual performance, so stop being insecure and start focusing on what you’re doing instead of what you’re working with.

Guys, come back next week for some tips on how to use whatever you’ve got to your full potential. Until then, ladies, order yourselves some cookies – we’re known for being the biggest in the game, but in our case there’s no such thing as “too big.”