Better Tasting Body Fluids are a Few Bites Away

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Cookies aren’t the only thing that are fun to put in your mouth – a survey from Esquire reported that 35% of people see oral sex as a necessary part of foreplay. But more often than not, genitals taste like anything but cookies. Here are some tips to improve the taste of your body fluids.

 

For her:

Vulvas get their taste from several different factors: your body’s natural odor, the scent of your detergent, the soap you use, and the foods you eat. That being said, the obvious first step is to wash and wear clean laundry. You’ll get the best results from detergent and soaps that are minimally scented – it’ll keep them from clashing with the natural scent of your body. The same goes for douches – the less ‘fruity’, the better. Wearing cotton underwear, or other breathable material, is also a must in order to prevent the growth of odorous bacteria from your sweat.

When it comes to food, anything that tends to make your gas or burps smell will probably also make your woman parts smell: beer, coffee, alcohol, asparagus, most dairy, onions, shallots, meat, and fish. Also smoking – it’s even less cool in bed than it is in the Tobacco Free Florida commercials.

And now for the fun part – here are some foods you should chow down on if you want to make oral sex as appetizing as late-night Cookiegazm: pineapple, apples, celery, yogurt, red grapes, cranberry juice, lots of water, mint, watermelon, strawberries. Basically, any fruit that you can also find as an air-freshener in a gas station will pretty much do the same for you.

 

For him:

Guys, we’ve got it easy. No need to douche, just use soap. Daily. It’s really not that hard. And trim down there occasionally. Think of it like this: jungles support much more life than deserts – if you’ve got a jungle in your pants, you’re going to have much more bacteria than guys who’ve got deserts, or even prairies. I’m sure you get the point. Plus girls like the desert/prairie look much more – according to a survey from Maxim, 70% of women surveyed said they preferred it when their partners were trimmed. And just like the girls, stick to cotton underwear or other breathable fabric. Our balls already stick to our legs; the last thing we need is our sweat stench sticking to our underpants, too.

As for the food, the Kinsey Institute recommends fruit (especially citrus, bananas, and papayas), spices (cinnamon, nutmeg, and peppermint, among others), parsley, wheatgrass, and celery to up the flavor of your semen. Stick away from cigarettes, caffeine, red meat, onions, and garlic. Unless you’d rather get Cookiegazm than head. In that case, cigarettes, caffeine, red mead, onions, garlic, and a few Slutty Macaws are the way to go.